"Oh, it's my little capitalist! Knows the slogans of credit card companies." -- Matt, at Mike's knowing what company's slogan was "It's everywhere you want to be."
"The only men in my life have no hair and fit in the palm of my hand!" - Redd. Talking about her (hairless) rats.
"I withstand harsh winters. I'm a fortress!" -- Redd
"No more dying, soldier." - Brad as paladin lord to Kye
"No God! I'm eating!" -- Cheryl
"Carrots in a sandwich baffle me." -- Red
"Einstein said time travel was crap. And I'm inclined to believe Einstein 'cause he had funky hair." -- Mike
"Just 'cause it smells like weed and you're using it as a pipe doesn't make it any less of a kazoo." Arillia
"World peace and kittens for everyone!" - Brad's political platform
"We couldn't go through the day without blaming Plato for something" - Mr. Champion (Music appreciation teacher)
"[when someone achieves new levels of sick-at-twistedness] there isn't a whole lot else you can do [besides laugh], except maybe run screaming run screaming and if we all did that we'd all be really, really horse and really, really fit." - Mike
"Couldn't go through the day without blaming Plato for something." - Mr, Champion (Music appreciation teacher).
"People smell bad. Especially when they are on fire." - I think it was Red or Brad or a combination of the two (On why you don't want to roast marshmallows after burning witches).
"... Which doesn't make a lot of sense, since there's a whole lot of ocean and not a lot of pope." - Brad (on why "all rivers flow to the pope" didn't make sense.
"You got my rat pregnant?" - Brad, at the news that Gumball, who is apparently his, but living in Red's rat collection, was "all sorts of knocked up."
"I degrade women and I've NEVER looked at pornography!" - Jeff's addition to a conversation on the feminist theory that pornography degrades women. Both statements are, as far as I can tell, utter lies but still…
"Don't shoplift the characters, Sarah!" -- Teresa
It went like this:
Sarah (on Elijah Woods as Frodo): He's looks all innocent and vulnerable and protectable. You kinda wand to pick him up and… *makes a "tucking it into her trench coat" motion*
Teresa: That's called SHOPLIFTING. Don't shoplift the characters, Sarah!
"It's really better if you read it in the original, but of course, what's in French. So if you don't read French, read it in English, cause it'll make a lot more sense." - Janine (English teacher)
"She looks like she has something important to do. And whoever she's going to do it to isn't going to like it!" - Brad on Varity in a trench coat.
"Congratulations Meg! You are Second Potato!" - Ok, so I said that one. But saying that was the highlight of my day. (the prizes for the fencing competition were potatoes with foil ribbons stapled to them)
"He is of some Arab-looking-ness" - Mother, about one of her students (He'd emailed her saying he hadn't gotten his homework turned in because he was having a rough week and she was speculating that he might be suffering Anti-Arab backlash.)
"My Grandpa was supposed to go to a meeting in the World Trade Center this afternoon, but it was canceled." - Rachael, the evening of September 11.
Sarah: ?Politics is a big, ugly mess that no one wants to mess with. Sort of like my room..." Trent: "Funny. I thought politics was too much like MY room: Not enough women in it."
"Dite, where's my penis?" - Trent (It made sense. Really. Trent's FTM)
"How do you feel about fondue?" - Alison, in response to Miri's fears about Alison and performance art, right before trying to melt a Barbie doll in a fondue pot.
"You can't go out there! You might get PREGNANT!" - Mom (to the half grown, still unspayed Corky."
"The moving chicken lives slower" Mr. Penley (science teacher) on relativity.
"I am not a linier thinker. Have you noticed? I take opportunities to think them they come along. Which is all the time." Linda King (anthropology teacher) going off on a tangent
"I was OBNOXIOUS!" - Meg (when asked how she did at the Cal Games)
Roberta Berlani (genetics teacher) on:
Getting a letter from the army saying "We'll make you into a man you can be proud of":
"I figured what ever they did I'd still be short, wimpy and easily moved to tears."
Why she doesn't smoke pot:
"I figured out a long time ago that the world didn't need a stupider, hungrier version of me."
New discoveries in biology:
"First they will claim it fights cancer. Then they will put it in a shampoo."